she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
