he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
