If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
