If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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