She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
