1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
