Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Randomize
