when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
A+ Viking dick
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
