Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
