He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
