What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
