Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
