Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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