Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
