oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just want to make out with him forever
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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