Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
