i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
