how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
