i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
