You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
