Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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