that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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