So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
