I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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