at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
