So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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