bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
