4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
