I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
