Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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