you would pick up someone in the library
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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