My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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