for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
