Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
