so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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