and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How external is "for external use only"?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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