You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
