Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
