tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
