I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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