I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
