How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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