it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
