you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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