that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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