Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
