JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
