so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
