I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
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