you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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