There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
