The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
